Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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