So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
