worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
