so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
