If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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