I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
