She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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