We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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