It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
