i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We were destined to go to rehab together
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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