Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
