So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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