all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We got so high we made milksteak
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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