I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
