You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
