Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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