i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
