My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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