Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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