I wish I could punch you in the face.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
