i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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