i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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