I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
