Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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