All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
