Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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