somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
