So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
