All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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