Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
