I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
