I seem to have left my pride at pride
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
