I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
