he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
