wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
