Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
