don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
