a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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