3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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