I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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