he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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