oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
