He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
