I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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