she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Houston, we have a blender
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
