Say something about gay babies.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
