just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
