You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
