please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
