well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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